I'm just complaining

Today has been tough. Really tough. Not exaggerating I've probably cried more than 10 times today. Wil forgot two shirts, a jacket, and phone charger and realized it 30 minutes after he left, and I had finally settled down and stopped crying. They had stopped at the mall on their way because his friend needed a new shirt for the services, so guess what I had to do? Take Wil the things he forgot, and put myself through the emotional roller coaster my hormones are putting me through right now, once again. I've been in this house alone for 24 hours before, but nothing longer than that, and even though it hasn't even been 24 hours yet, I think I'm just so upset because I KNOW it's going to be longer than 24 hours.

The silence is killing me. I watched the movie Tower Heist but after that I just turned my TV off. I never realized how horrible Saturday cable is until today, because I really can't remember the last time I watch TV on a Saturday night. Usually I'm laying around with Wil and on Pinterest or something if we're even at home. Being on the computer isn't doing much either, because well..there isn't much to do when you've been on it all day trying to not be bored.

Sometimes I wonder how in the hell I did this when Wil was deployed. The first couple of days were rough like this, I cried over random things and out of no where, but once I was back home in Illinois around family it wasn't too bad. I'd worry if I didn't hear from him from 2+ days, and I'd have my moments where I cried because I missed him so much, especially over a movie or song, or if it was that 'time' of the month and I was being a cry baby, also Holiday's weren't easy either. I remember just relaxing in my room on the computer, watching TV, and being perfectly fine. I didn't have the absolute boredom and anxiety feeling I have now, but probably because my dad was in the room beside me. I think this being the first time I'm ABSOLUTELY 100 percent alone, is really getting to me.

Or maybe I just miss my husband. How much can I say that, really? I came to the conclusion that I kind of take Wil for granted. I just expect that I would never have to be away from him this long, and under any circumstances I wouldn''t ever, but obviously I was wrong. I'm so used to him being at home on week ends with me I just never though I'd have to sit here alone, without him, on a Saturday night. The weather isn't helping, it's rainy and nasty.

I just don't know what to do to keep myself ocupied. I can't make up my mind when to go to sleep, because I don't want to go lay down in our empty bed alone, because just thinking about it makes me cry so I know it's going to be so much more worse when I walk up there.

I love my husband so much.