I have a dilemma.

I never in a million years growing up though, "I'm not going to graduate from high school". It was never my intentions, and I just never thought I, out of all people, would quit. I didn't see it being possible. If you want to get technical, I didn't "quit" high school, I was withdrawn. After my parents divorce, and my dad moving me 45 minutes away from my home town from everything I had only known, I "rebeled" to say the least. I guess I was in the stage of depression where I just didn't care anymore. As soon as I got my license, I quit going to school. If I did go, I'd sleep through all my classes. I didn't have many friends, I was sad that I was living somewhere new, and I just didn't feel like I "fit" in. The new town I moved to was the type of town where everyone knew each other, and if you didn't grow up there, you weren't anyone important. It just kind of sucked being the "New kid".

When my grades began to drop, and my attendence grew horrible, my dad took it to the extremes to withdraw me from Highland High School, and decided to "home school" me. The fishy situation of this, is that Illinois doesn't have rules about home schooling, if the child is over 16. If you are over the age of 16, and can work, you do NOT have to go any further into your education if you don't wish to. So, I did nothing for a year. I slept all day, stayed up all night, didn't have a job, and was controlled by an abusive boyfriend, until I decided to get my G.E.D when I turned 17, and I did.

Right after I passed my G.E.D. in whatever month I took it, sometime after I turned 17 in October, I decided I wanted to do cosmetology. Long story short, I went to school until it was almost time to graduate and decided I hated it, and quit. I quit school, once again, and I didn't feel bad about it one bit. I had a job, and I didn't care about school. I kept putting it off, then Wil happened, and fast foward until last July.

Last July I decided I would go back to school. Wil told me that since I was going to school, I didn't need to get a job if I wanted, and just focus on school and being pregnant. (I was pregnant with Baby R then). I decided I wanted to do Criminal Justice, and I found a school online. Salem International University sent me my first book in July and I was on my way to a new degree, and I was SO excited about it!...until October. October came around and I hadn't known what I got myself into. I was enjoying school, but hating my major. I had no idea why I hated all my Criminal Justice classes, but LOVED all my general ed classes. I knew something had to be done, so I decided to get a hold of my advisor.

I left voicemails, and e-mails for my advisor for three weeks until I finally got a letter in the mail saying "Sorry you left us!". I was so confused. I hadn't left. I had been trying to switch my major and no one would call me back, I hadn't got a new book in the mail for my next class, and I was completely confused as to what was going on! I finally got a hold of someone, and come to find out, my advisor and financial aid advisor was no longer with Salem U, and neither was my paper work. They had no idea where anything was. So, after enrolling again, they told me I owed them 1,700 for finanical aid because I "dropped out". I said bullshit, and called the Better Business Bearu, and got that taken care of.

Right now, my major is "Business", because well, I don't know what else to do and I hadn't made up my mind to exactly what I wanted to do...until the other day. The other day I was working on my Health assignments and quizing Wil on some general Health questions and I kept anwsering them without evening opening my book with all the right anwsers, and my husband kept saying "Those aren't general questions, you're anwersing hard ones. Maybe you should be a nurse. You're really good at this and you would be a really good nurse. You have a good sense of humor with people, and you're smart when it comes to this stuff".

I've had people tell me to be a nurse before, but I told my husband the same thing I told them "I don't think I can handle all that blood, throw up, broken bones, etc."...Then he said it. "Then be a pedatric nurse for a pedatrician at a doctors office or something". I had never even thought of it. That never crossed my mind and then it hit me that, that is what my calling is. That's what I'm supposed to do. I wanted to jump up and drive to NJ and start enrolling into Bergen that minute. I couldn't get it off my mind. I loved the idea of it.

So, I looked online at Bergen to see if they even had a nursing program, and of course, they do. They have on in the Spring that is evening classes, three classes a semester for 2 1/2 years, and it would be for my associates and then I'd go on to another school after. I thought it was PERFECT! Wil can go to school during the day while I'm at home with Audrey, then when he gets home I'll go to my evening classes so Audrey won't have to be in day care at 6 months old. I didn't want to start school this Fall because of her still being so young, and the classes don't start until next Spring anyways. It sounded so perfect!

So, I figured I'd stick with Salem until then, and I wondered if I could take some classes with them online to just maybe get a head a little, and see if they have any classes that would help me with my nursing degree in the future, so I called my advisor. Suprise, suprise, I haven't been able to get a hold of anyone for three days. I went as far as going to their website to "Request more information" from them pretending to be a new student, just to get someone to get a hold of me. It worked, some guy called me this morning (poor guy), and I told him he probably didn't know what he got himself into, and let it all on him. He let me talk to the supervision which informed me, yep, MY ADVISOR NO LONGER WORKS FOR THEM. I asked him when he planned on informing me about this, and he said he didn't know he was my advisor.

So, he told me he would look into what classes I could take online to work towards my nursing degree, and set me up with a new advisor, and would get back to me later today. That was at 9 AM. It is now 8PM. My dad told me I need to call the Better Business Bearu and tell them I want nothing to do with Salem anymore, and that I think my financial aid should be wiped clean because of what they've put me through in the past year (almost).

I keep making up excuses for them though, because I feel like I'd be a failure. I'd feel like I am "quitting" school again, even though I know I'm going back, and feel useless. I don't want to be 35 and still in college because I keep quitting and going back. I know in the long run this was my fault because I didn't look more into depths at schools when I was looking last summer, but holy crap I had no idea it would be THIS stressful and confusing. I just don't know what do do.

I enjoy taking classes, but I don't enjoy this school and their stupid ways. They're so unprofessional. I feel lost at what to do. My husband has agreed to my plan with calling the BBB if they don't call back today (or I wake up to a voicemail), but I still feel like I'd be a failure, and somewhat be disappointing him. I want to do what's best for our family, and I want to help contribute also. I feel like I'd be useless and blah! I don't know what to do.

If you're ever going to go to online school, make sure you look DEEP into the school and make sure its definitely for you, and do NOT pick Salem International University unless you want to be bald (from pulling your hair out), and stressed to the max by the end of your 2nd semester with them. Sigh.