Two days

As I'm laying in bed right now, it being completely silent; Wil is still snoozing and Charlie is being a watch dog out of the bedroom window, all I can do is pray. I'm so nervous but so excited for Wednesday. The ultrasound could go two ways, the baby could have a heartbeat and look great; but its not all grand still. I'd still have 6+ weeks of the first trimester and that's the worst. There could be no heart beat at all on Wednesday. We just have to wait and see.

I hate waiting. I feel like im waiting for another miscarriage to happen. I'm so terrified. I've never been so scared in my life. I pray to god every single Day to help me. To help me relax, and stay strong, and to please give me a healthy baby because I not only want it, I need it. I need it so, so bad. This baby is so loved and I just want to one day have the chance to hold it in my arms and give it all the love I can possibly give it. It will be a very love baby.

I ask my grandparents for help. I pray to them, where ever they are, and ask them to ask god to please give me this baby, so I can be the best parent to it as I possibly can, and raise it to love others, itself, and god.

With every little cramp I get, back pain, or anything, I pray to god he keeps this baby alive, inside of me. I promise I'll give it a good life.

I'm seriously terrified.