Negative

TTC is going to make me crazy, I swear. Today is day seven before my missed period. I should start my period next Monday, the 10th. I took a test this morning and it was negative. It was one of those First Response ones, which are supposed to tell you 6 days before your missed period. Today is day seven, and I got a negative. I know I could still be pregnant, and it just not have shown up, but I'm really bummed. So bummed I couldn't go back to sleep after I took it at five AM when Wil was leaving for work. It's 7:30 AM now, and I still can't sleep.

I'm even more bummed that Kerri also took a test this morning and got a positive. She's pregnant. I'm happy for her, really, but so sad at the same time.

I could have been almost 20 weeks pregnant right now. I could have been finding out the gender of my baby so soon, but no. I didn't want to lose that baby. I still think about it almost every day. I miss that little Baby R inside of me.

I've been praying that I am pregnant. I don't pray. I don't even know if I believe in God. I have maybe went to church a handfull of times in my life. If I end up pregnant, I'll believe. I swear I will. I'll start making my ass wake up at 6 AM on Sunday's to look my damn best and go to church if that man let's me be pregnant. That's how much I want a baby.

Today is just going to be a bum day. I'll probably cry, sleep, and eat all day. Hopefully I feel better by the time Wil comes home. I'm not even going to get dressed. Ugh.