Something more?

I've been out of "work" for more than a week now. I always complained about how much I hate it, and I wished I didn't have to go back, and then my wish came true. The mom I babysat for got fired. She has no job = I have no job. I was super happy. Now, I've been bored out of my mind. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of stuff to do around my house, but I'm a huge procrastinator. Is it weird that I can clean better when I have a "girl" friend helping me around the house, dancing to music, and laughing and talking? I miss this.

I have friends, don't get me wrong, but nothing like what I had before. I had a friend named Megan, and she seriously was the best. We both screwed up our relationship. We went from unseprable, to not talking. We I tried to rekindle our friendship, and start over, but it was never the same. We didn't trust each other anymore. It's sad. I haven't even talked to her since I got married. I miss her a lot, and what kind of friendship we had.

I've never had another friendship like that. A true, genuine, friendship. Breana and I are more like family, and I don't think our relationship is the type to chit chat, and dance, and laugh. Sometimes I feel dumb when I talk to Breana..I feel like she's smarter than me, and she knows that, and I'm not up to her level. I've felt like that ever since Middle school.

I need a real, genuine friendship. I miss the kind of friendship I had with Megan, and I doubt I'll ever find it again. I don't have anyone I can talk to whenever I want, about anything, without judging me, or saying something negative, or understanding me completely. I don't know where I'm going with this blog. First, it was about procrastinating, now it's about how I don't have the type of friend I want.

I swear I have three friends. Three friends. One that I feel dumb around. One that lives 40 minutes away, and is my friend because she's my husbands cousin, and one that I've never met. I need a friend.