Maybe it's my fault

I seriously don't have friends..I'm not complaining though. Breana being my best friend, and Wil being my other, and my other one or two select close friends doesn't bother me much. I used to complain about not having friends or anyone to hang out with, or anyone to talk to about things but today I realized something. I never follow through with hanging out.

I always bitch to my friends that we never hang out, and then I make plans with them, and I'm the one usually canceling them just because I don't feel like doing anything. Lazy? or just not interested? I don't know.

Today one of my best friends from high school and texted me and asked me to hang out soon before I leave. I told her I would either this week or next, just to text me when she's free, but for some reason I have a feeling we won't. I doubt I'll actually ever see her again.

Maybe one of the problems is that I'm a homebody. I love being at home whether it be my house or Jaci's, they're both my "home". Breana is the ONLY person that comes over..no one ever even tries it seems. Maybe I'm just sick of having to be the reason going to, to hang out? I don't know.

Tiffany is home from the homecoming while Kyle is back in North Carolina for another month before he gets out. If she has a Saturday off in the next two weeks she's going to come to Illinois and spend the weekend with me before Breana and I leave. I really hope she gets a Saturday off because I would love to see her. I miss her terribly and she's truly one of my best friends.

I'm so happy I'll be in the same state as my best friend once I move. I know I'll have more friends then, and it'll be easier to hang out with people because I know Wil will drag me out, but I'm so glad Breana will be there so I don't have to literally make all new friends. She's seriously been there since day one, and even if she gets moved somewhere else, I know she'll always be here for me.



I just took a hot shower and feel a lot better, but now I'm really wanting to talk to Wil. When I'm really bored, alone in bed at night, is when I think about everything and really start feeling sorry for myself. I just wish he could get online so I could e-mail him. I miss him so much. I'm so happy this deployment is almost done with.