God

Okay so right before this I was completely bored out of my mind, and I found this "About Me" Survey online that I was going to post in a blog entry about myself. I literally filled the whole thing out until I got to the very end and it asked me "Do you believe in God, Miracles, Heaven, Hell, Answered Prayers?". I'm really not sure how to start this whole blog entry but I'm going to try and give it a shot. I don't know if I believe in God. I don't know if I believe in Miracles, Heaven, Hell, OR Answered Prayers. I deleted the whole Survey and decided I wanted to blog about this. I'd really love for feed back on this and your opinions. First off, My mama was born and raised Southern Baptist. My father on the other hand, Catholic. I nor my brother have ever (I take that back, my brother got baptized on his own in a friends church) baptized. I have never been baptized. I never have attended church regularly, and I've never had a "religion" that I believed in or followed. The thought of God not being real never crossed my mind. My father explained a lot of the Catholic religion while I was growing up, but neither one of my parents or our family went to church, and so for that matter, I never followed or believed in a religion. My Freshman year of High School I attended a Catholic High School that I adored. I loved it so much, but we moved away. I was really considering to convert to Catholicism, but the timing just wasn't right, and I still wasn't sure if I believed in God. I don't know why, I just have never had a reason to. I didn't grow up in a family that talked about God often or anything, but it wasn't like they don't believe in him. I just don't know. I want to believe in God, and I want to believe in Heaven. I want to think that my Grandparents, and best friend Jon is up there with God and is safe. But sometimes, I just don't know. Some things seem so unrealistic when it comes to God, but some things make sense. I've always been afraid about not knowing what to do when it comes to my Wedding. Do I get married in a church? If so, What kind of church? When Wil and I get married, should we become more religious and attend a church? Should we do it for our future Children? I have so many questions that I'm so very confused about, and I don't know what to do.

I've always had my doubts about God too. I feel BAD about having doubts about him. I always wonder WHY he made my Mama do what she did. Why she left us, and WHY he took Jon from me. I always have so many negative thoughts towards him, sometimes more than good. I want to believe in him, I want him to be real, I just don't know how to get the truth out of a situation where NO one really knows the truth. What happens if we're all setting ourselves up for failure? What happens if we die, and there is NO heaven or hell? Where do we go? Where do our spirits go? I have so many questions it's unreal, but my main question is, How do I believe in God when he's let me down so many times? I also hear that "God has reasons for everything he does." I want those reasons, and I've been waiting a long while for them. I don't think I can believe in "God" until I know the reasons behind all of the bad doings. Or are the reasons just standing right in front of me and I don't notice them?