All over the place

I've been realizing a lot.

This morning I woke up strangely in the greatest mood I've been in awhile. I was woken up to my cell phone. Before this deployment started (and to this day if it's before 9 AM) I would be furious if my phone rang. Every one in their right minds that know me, know better not to call me before 9 AM. It used to be noon, but yeah, let's get real. It was Wil. I never get angry any more when my phone rings early in the morning. Not even on days I know it's not Wil calling. Today when I was woken up at 8:30, I sat up and saw my Niece's giant smile as she stood in her play pin holding her bottle. Her eyes just said "Pick me up, Aunt Dice!" Of course, I did. Today I realized I hate sleeping in too late. I hate days where I even wake up as last as 11 AM. I feel like I've wasted away half of my day. I enjoy waking up at 8:30-9 AM now. I never thought I would. Especially at nineteen, when every other nineteen year old I know is sleeping until 3 PM, or even later. Don't get me wrong, some days I love sleeping in until noon. I'm also still guilty for staying in my pajamas and lounging around in bed all day. I still enjoy the days where I wake up at 8:30- 9 AM more.

When Wil and I started talking about marriage -soon- and a family - in the future- I couldn't tie my head around how much I was growing up. Sometimes I'd stop myself in my tracks and ask myself it this was something I truly wanted. I know it is, of course it is, I love Wil with every ounce of my heart, soul, being; I'd be honored to be his wife. I never thought I'd be married at 19. I never thought I'd even consider having children before the age of 30. I always said I wouldn't do it, not have kids at least, until I had enough "Me" time. I sort of had this conversation with Wil the other day. I think when you've met your soul mate, you're best friend, the person you KNOW you'll spend forever with, you don't care what happens - meaning children -. I wasn't on birth control the whole time Wil and I had together the last month in North Carolina, and we didn't use protection. What happens, happens. We weren't worried about it. We were ready for anything.

As I said before, I woke up in a great mood this morning, but it didn't last. It did come back though- but back to why it didn't last; I have recently been getting annoyed by the most random things. I blamed it on depression and deployment at one time, but after I talked to Mama J about this problem that was starting to bother me earlier, one sentence she spoke explained a lot. "Your maturity is getting stronger." Let me explain. A friend of Samantha's owes Mama J quite a bit of money. Nothing too crazy, but enough money to get upset over. This friend doesn't have a lot. She's young, very young, married, and has a one year old son. They don't have a lot of money, and when someone is in need, Mama J is always to the rescue. This friend got her son's pictures taken for his 1st birthday, and they cost 50 dollars. 50 dollars plus money here and there, Mama J let her borrow it because she's just this type of person. This was in November and December. Before my niece was born, and right after, this friend, her husband, and son even LIVED with Mama J for awhile because they had no other place to go, and Mama J took them in. This friend still hasn't paid Mama J back. Like I said earlier, she doesn't have a lot of money, and at first it was understandable that she hadn't paid her back. It was understandable until her Facebook status' started to become "Tanning", "Getting a Mani/Pedi!", "Date night with Hubby", "Got the cutest new outfit!", "Hotel party, just bought 50 dollars worth of alcohol". She came over today and she has clearly been going tanning for awhile now. She is darker than an African American. Please explain to me how you can pay for all these extra things, but not pay someone back that has helped you out SO much? It bothered me badly. It bothers me when people even don't speak correct grammar, even though mine is not perfect. At first this annoyance of people was very bothering to me. I didn't like it and kept holding in my opinions and feelings until I could explode. Today I just realized it's because I'm more mature then others, even people that are a lot older than me. I'm not going to think to myself "You're more mature then them, that is why it is bothering you." and hopefully that'll help when I start getting annoyed.

On another note, today was awesome. I got to talk to Wil for one. It was 70 degrees in Souther Illinois today. Ayden, Samantha and I went on a walk and plan on going on another tomorrow. Ayden got to ride his bike for hours. Samantha and I had a lot of bonding today. I'm so very happy that tomorrow is supposed to be just as nice, and I have SO much to do! It's going to be a good day. I'm getting ultra attached to my niece; more than I already am. I'm not ready for the heart break of leaving her and Ayden. I don't even want to imagine it, but it's constantly a thought in my head. Yesterday, Ayden told me he wanted to move to "Afghanistan" with me. Even though it's North Carolina I'm moving to, it still breaks my heart. I'm terrified when I come back to visit, Ayden and I won't be as close. I'm terrified my niece, which will only be a year old, will not remember me. I feel like I'm leaving my kids for a year. 

I leave you with this, I loved this quote;

"Anger will grip me and depression can hold me, but another military spouse will steady me." - melissa seligman